JUDE POV "I. I should probably go" Connor replies hesitantly, each word like a knife to my heart.
"Daria really wanted to see me." After a moments silence and awkward eye contact, Connor rose from his knees and left the room. I was completely speechless. What had just happened? Had Connor really kissed me? And why was he leaving?
Did I do something wrong? Connor had been toying with my emotions for months. We had just resolved the awkwardness from the last kiss we had shared in the tent but now we were back to square one.
I sat motionless in my room, reminiscing about Connors sweet lips. The thought of it made me a little too excited and I felt the bulge of my member rub uncomfortably against my jeans. This wasn't okay. I couldn't feel like this, especially about my only friend at Anchor Beach. I tried to get him out of my head, I paced the room, I played video games, went on facebook, texted and yet it all resulted into one thought.
Connor. I don't understand him. One minute he shows his raw and bare emotions and then he retreats and pushes me away.
I haven't gotten the chance to tell him that I feel the same way. I got up from my now stone cold room and left to find him. I needed to see him.
For the duration of my search, I couldn't get the kiss off of his mind. The warmth that Connor's lips had possessed left an imprint on my mind.
The way the shape of his plush, thick lips had moulded around mine was impeccable, I wanted more. Connor was my kryptonite, my one weakness. Through the foster system I'd grown a strong immunity to other people but Connor had a talent of breaking down my walls.
I couldn't help feeling vulnerable and hurt after Connor had abandoned me after our moment of pure, unadulterated passion. I knew what I needed. I had to find a way to get Connor alone so that we could talk about what had happened. CONNORS POV Just after kiss "I. I should probably go" I say, lying through my teeth.
"Daria really wanted to see me." It killed me lying to Jude like that but what else could I do? The only reason I got to see him was because my dad thought I was with Daria.
I had to keep my appearances up if I was going to continue seeing Jude. God, I want to kiss him again, just lean in and enjoy his thin, virgin lips for one more time. But I decide against it, if I did that I knew I'd never leave. I get up and exit the room before I change my mind. I reach the top of the stairs, the stairs that I had climbed countless times but something seemed different.
It was like they were steeper, harder to manoeuvre. It was almost as if someone was telling me to go back. However when I heard movement from Jude's room, I hopped down the stairs quicker then ever before. I was face to face with the door and part of me told me that this was a mistake, that I should go back up there and be with Jude, my soulmate.
But reality kicked in and I lifted the heavy door to let myself out. I go outside and begin the trek to Daria's house. It was a long way to go but it gave me time to think of what to do. Was it wrong to string Daria along just so I could see Jude? Would Jude even want to see me again after I had just left like that?
I think about turning back, bursting into Jude's room and plunging my lips to his again. I think about all the things I should say to him. How long I've wanted to kiss him. How long I've wanted to tell him how I feel.
But I have to resolve things with Daria before any of that could happen. After that, I plan to talk to Jude alone so we can talk about what just happened. JUDES POV I knew the way to Daria's house, me along with Taylor, Connor and Daria had been there for one of our double dates. I remembered because it was just after him and Connor had held pinkies for the entire time that they were at the movies.
He jogged, hoping he would catch Connor before he went inside, but no luck. Just as I turned the corner to Daria's street, Connor was just walking inside. After I had eventually worked up the confidence to knock on the door, Daria's mom answered.
"Hi, is Connor here?" I say with a hint of worry in my voice. "With Daria" I say Remembering his girlfriend. "Hello Jude! Yes they just went up, why don't you go upstairs, the door should be open." She says, welcoming me in. I smile as I walk past her and make my way upstairs. I can hear them from here. Connor having a casual conversation as if nothing had just happened. Connor laughed and joked until he saw my head in the doorway. Then his smile dropped with his head.
"Hey, I was just in the neighbourhood, thought I should say hi." Looking at Connors ashamed and guilty face I knew it was a mistake coming here. I plan a quick escape. "Well I don't want to impose, I'll see you at school?" I turn my head and begin to leave as Daria calls out, "Jude, why don't you come sit down with us, Connor was about to tell me what you guys got up to yesterday" A toad forms in my throat and I can't speak so I just nod and come sit next to Connor.
Connor started telling her about all the games we played and how late we stayed up purposely moving around our kiss. After playing along for what seemed like forever, i announced I needed to wash my face.
I stood up and made my way to the bathroom.
I went straight to the sink and looked in the mirror. A single tear rolled down my face as I thought what a fool I was. I ran the tap and dunked my face in the refreshing water. As I came up I heard the door open and close. I call out, "Sorry, I.
I'll just be a minute" I turn around to leave and I'm surprised to run into Connor. Before I have time to react, the taller boy leans down and plants a deep, intimate kiss onto my lips. I don't reject and succumb to his warm lips. Then I have a moment to think and push him off me.
"No Connor, you can't do this to me. Not anymore.
You've shown me how you feel, you kiss me then treat my like a stranger for weeks and I'm tired of it.
Do I want to be friends? No, I don't" my words cut deeply into Connor and I know exactly what to say next. "I want to be more than friends. I want to kiss you, I want to do everything with you but everytime you kiss Daria it just reminds me that you don't want the same and it kills me everytime so if you really think that-" He interrupts me with his tongue on top of mine.
His body close to mine makes me give him everything I've got. I put my hand on the back of his head a pull him closer to me, our tongues meeting for the first Time and I break the connection again.
"Won't Daria wonder what we're doing?" I say, worried "I don't care" he simply replied and kisses me again Never had I been so aroused. My member began to grow in my pants and Connor backed off and gave me a look. "Happy to see me" he winks. I look down. "Just as happy as you" and we carry on, only were on the floor now. I straddle his legs and he takes his shirt off. His chiseled abs make him even hotter then he was before.
At this moment there were three knocks on the door. Luckily Connor locked the door. "What are you guys doing?" Daria asks. "I knew you were close, i didn't think you were this close. " I jump off Connors legs, embarrassed. I pass him his creased shirt and he puts it back on. I felt awful. He has a girlfriend for gods sakes! What was I doing? He goes in to kiss me but I duck out before he has time. I tell Daria I should get going and begin the walk home.
CONNOR POV Jude couldn't have gotten out of that bathroom faster but I knew he'd enjoyed our break time together. By the time I came out Daria said how Jude said he'd had to go. I noticed the time and pretended I had somewhere else to be. I caught up with Jude, calling his name from a distance.
"Hey Jude" I call, unsure if I could be heard. No reply.
He walks faster. "Jude" I say again only this time I know he can hear me. I need to talk to him. He turns the corner into wooded land. This wasn't the way to his house, I thought to himself.
I lunge for his hand and I could feel our emotions merging. "We need to talk. Jude I'm so sor-" But I was cut off on account of Jude's lips being on mine.
The sudden outburst of intimacy caught me off my guard. I indulged in our minute of mindless bliss. Jude's hands snaked there way to the back of my head and my hands around his waist, pulling his body closer to mine. For a minute I didn't know what was going to happen, how far we'd go until Jude pulled away.
He looked at me but he seemed angry at me. He didn't even say anything before he stormed off, I tried to follow but I was paralysed. My body was still in shock from what had just happened. My hand touching where Jude's lips had just been. I decide he needs time to cool off, I walk home thinking about what to say to him. It's almost 10pm and I still don't know what to say. And how to say it to him. I want to talk to him but I know it's too late and his moms won't let him out. Should I text him?
No it's too impersonal. At this moment his phone buzzed. A text. From Jude. "Hey." He said I reply with an awkward and casual "Hey! How are you?" I wait for a reply, each minute taking its toll on my heart.
"Not too good. I did something really bad today." My heart literally skipped a beat. "Ring me" I reply, hoping to hear his voice. Almost straight away, his phone played an annoying jingle that was his ringtone. Without a moments hesitation he answers. "Hey. What's up?" I ask, already knowing the reply. "I kissed someone today" Jude said confirming my fears. "And he has a girlfriend" I could hear his voice starting to tremble. "And my brain is telling me that it's wrong.
That I have to stop" he said leaving a pause. "But my hearts saying that he's nice, that he's funny, that he's already my best friend and that I should just go for it. Forget about Daria, she's only there for appearances." "Which one do you want to listen to Jude?" I say interjecting. "I want to listen to my heart, but I can't. My brain's just too loud." The answer I had been fearing.