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To: Albus Dumbledore / Headmaster From: Ginny Weasley Re: Lord Voldemort Attach: (100 K) Professor: As we have developed and marketed recent inspirational materials (Moldiemort Robes, and our newest product Mockeries of a Dark Lord due for release in hardcover next month), we have received many threats from Lord Voldemort. While hollow in nature, and really quite trivial, we do believe a potential "retaliation" of Moldie with his unhygenic Death Eaters may disrupt the game.

Given the passion we Gryffindors have for our sport and our team, I would like to make a few suggestions as to how to prevent ol' Moldie from causing any problems. A) A prevalent display of Moldiemort robes would cause him much anguish and frustration, possibly throwing him off his game.

B) The attached magical slide-show advertising the upcoming book, Mockeries of a Dark Lord, will also cause him much emotional grief. C) Dragon sweeps. We have three on the premise, complete with trained riders. Sweeps of these creatures will disrupt the magical fields and stability needed for the Death Eaters to apparate with structure.

Any other defenses you may determine needful would also be welcomed, but the above are easily incorporated and will definitely give Tommy some emotional trauma that should give us an advantage. Best regards, G. Weasley To: Lucius Malfoy From: The Dark Lord of Sith Re: Potter Malfoy, I expect your attendance upon me within the hour.

A situation has arisen that requires immediate attention. Potter has decided to branch further into other marketing aspects of our conflict, and yet no licensing authority has come from my lawyers.

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I want this boy STOPPED! He's making a fool of us all! Lord Voldemort Dark Wizard Grand Order of Sith To: Lestrange-at-Azkaban From: Lucius Malfoy Re: "Dark Lord of Sith" The old boy has been watching the "Star Wars" trilogy again.

Damn Muggles. It's obviously rattled his brains some more. Now he's the "Dark Lord of Sith" If he starts wearing a black shiny mass and breathing heavy, I'm outta here. Anyway, we have a small legal situation on the horizon.

Problem being, our Master has killed off all the lawyers we've hired to represent him. Any suggestions? Good luck with the Dementors! Hope you've got that drool problem under control.

- Lucky To: Lord Voldemort From: Lucius Malfoy Re: Re: Potter Master, I have made some inquiries with regards to the legal ramifications. We could put a block on any future merchandise sales, but to do this, you MUST NOT KILL OFF THE LAWYERS! At least, not the ones who are representing your cause. Please Master, I know they're all annoying evil gits, but. just this once, please don't just A-K them immediately upon their fee statement!

Ever your loyal and obedient servant, - Lucius Malfoy To: Harry Potter From: Severus Snape / Potions Master Re: Merchandising Potter: The Dark Lord is hiring a lawyer to block all sales of your product line. FYI. - Professor Snape To: Ginny Weasley From: Harry Potter CC: Severus Snape / Potions Master FW: Re: Merchandising Ginny, I've contacted Legal, and they are pretty sure they can counter any block Moldiemort tries to put in place.

They recommend, however, we avoid any physical characterizations of Ol' Tom, and ensure that we do not list "Lord Voldemort" by name in any of our reproductions to ensure consistency.

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I assured them this wasn't a problem. So, in that vein, could you remove the last sonnet in "Mockeries of a Dark Lord" before it goes to print? And are we almost ready to release the calendar for sale? I'd like to get more on the market before anything goes to court.

That way, Tommy loses more and more legal ground. Oh, and please, have the twins send our illustrious Professor Snape a complimentary Moldiemort robe. - HP To: Harry Potter From: Ginny Weasley CC: Severus Snape / Potions Master Re: FW: Re: Merchandising Harry: I've notified the twins Re:Legal's advice.

2) Removed the last sonnet. I'm keeping a copy in my private edition, mind you. 3) Calendar is GORGEOUS! And, effective 10:00 hours, it goes on sale. Do keep in mind, pre-release sales have 70 percent of all copies sold out.

Immediate delivery has been scheduled, so it's safe to say for those who have already bought a copy, they'll have it in their hot drooling little hands at 10:01 hours. 4) One complimentary set of Moldiemort robes, with the anti-wear charm to protect against any students spraying a damaging potion on them have been sent to our brilliant Potions Master.

Good luck with the game today, Harry! Ginny To: Harry Potter From: Ginny Weasley Re: Sucking Up Was that enough? Do you think he'll be all puffed, peacocky and leave us the bloody hell alone in class for a few days? - GW To: Ginny Weasley From: Harry Potter Re: Re: Sucking up We can only hope. You'll be at the game today? HP To: Harry Potter From: Ginny Weasley Re: Re: Re: Sucking up With bells on.

Have I complimented you on your excellent physique, yet? I had to put the calendar down and start fanning myself. My goodness, Harry.

Ginny To: Harry Potter From: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress Re: Calendars Potter: Before you investigate the records of sales, I have purchased one of your calendars for my niece.

I don't suppose you would be so courteous to autograph it, would you? Minerva McGonagall Deputy Headmistress To: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress From: Harry Potter Re: Re: Calendars Professor: Even though a part of my fragile ego cringes at this entire.

calendar episode, I would be delighted to autograph your copy. I can have it sent to you with autograph already on it before delivery begins, sparing you (and me) the embarrassment of tracking me down to sign. To whom should it be autographed? Harry To: Harry Potter From: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress Re: Re: Re: Calendars Potter: I thank you for your consideration. I quite agree that having to get the calendar autographed after delivery would be embarrassing for all parties involved.

It should be persoanlized to: "Minnie" and any references to Minnie as a kitten are all fine. Minerva McGonagall Deputy Headmistress To: Ginny Weasley, Hermione Granger From: Harry Potter FW: You Won't Believe This Come on, now truthfully, are you BUYING the niece thing? - HP To: Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley From: Hermione Granger Re: FW: You Won't Believe This Oh dear heavens! I have Transfiguration this morning! How will I sit in her class and NOT break into giggles!

- HG To: Harry Potter, Hermione Granger From: Ginny Weasley Re: FW: You Won't Believe This Harry. She wants you.

Surely you can milk a good grade out of that! Ginny "Don't TOUCH the merchandise!

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Hands off! Back, you madwomen! Back!" - O. Wood, Witch Weekly Vol 11330, Issue 320 To: Harry Potter From: Oliver Wood Re: Your Game Today Good luck today, mate. To perk you up on this deplorable event, I was watching the Wizard Broadcast and they covered a section Re: the calendar.

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I think it's safe to say, it's a smashing hit. And, the photographer was utterly amazing. Not one commentary has referred to it as anything but artistic, graceful, amazing, awesome and a 'true appreciation of fine male physicality'. I think you're safe. Strut your stuff, Potter. And make Malfoy look BAD. - Ollie Nekkid Partner in Crime To: Harry Potter, Ginny Weasley From: Lavender Brown Re: Calendars Orders Harry, I was just finalizing all the orders for immediate delivery before I nip down to brekkie.

The charms are all set, owls loaded, and everything is ready to rock and roll like clockwork. As I reviewed the sales list, a couple of alarming purchases leapt up to grab me. First: Draco bought a copy. If he tries to 'grab' anything on the field, I doubt it'll be the Snitch. Make sure you're guarding the jewels, Harry. Or Ginny will eviscerate Malfoy.

Second: Lucius Malfoy bought a copy.

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Clearly, the apple hasn't fallen far from the tree. Third: Tom Riddle bought a copy. Now, if I were you, I'd be very afraid!

- Lav To: Ginny Weasley From: Harry Potter Re: Breakfast Just heading down to the Great Hall in a moment. You up to join me in a bite? Harry To: Harry Potter From: Ginny Weasley Re: Re: Breakfast I'd like some sausage, yes.

To: Ginny Weasley From: Harry Potter Re: Re:Breakfast Evil woman! To: Lavender Brown From: Ginny Weasley CC: Harry Potter Re: Re: Calendar Orders Lavender, could you grab those three copies and stop them from going out? I want them to be personalized in a very special way for these three special customers. I'll discuss this further with Harry at breakfast. I'll grab the units from you on my way down.

- Ginny To: Ginny Weasley From: Lavender Brown Re: Re: Re: Calendar Orders You got it, girlfriend! To: Lord Voldemort From: Harry Potter Re: Your Calendar Order Attach: (5 MB) Dear Tom: Please click on the below link to receive your "Naked Quidditch" calendar, featuring myself in all my glory.

As a special favor to you, I've personalized the copy. Enjoy! Harry To: Draco Malfoy From: Harry Potter Re: Your Calendar Order Attach: (5 MB) Dear Draco: Please click on the below link to receive your "Naked Quidditch" calendar, featuring myself in all my glory.

As a special favor to you, I've personalized the copy. Enjoy!

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Harry To: Lucius Malfoy From: Harry Potter Re: Your Calendar Order Attach: (5 MB) Dear Lucky: Please click on the below link to receive your "Naked Quidditch" calendar, featuring myself in all my glory. As a special favor to you, I've personalized the copy. Enjoy! Harry To: Ginny Weasley From: Ron Weasley CC: Fred and George Weasley Re: Today's Game Ginny, I didn't mention this at breakfast because I didn't want to start a public row.

I don't think you should go to the game today. It's going to be quite risque and terribly inappropriate for a young lady like yourself. - Ron To: Ron Weasley From: Ginny Weasley CC: Fred and George Weasley Re: Re: Today's Game At the personal invitation of Harry Potter, I will be at the game. I even have a reserved seat. Given that I am one of the producers of the "Naked Quidditch" calendar, I really don't think that there is any 'more' of Harry that I can see while he's riding a broomstick.

The only trauma I may experience is seeing my twin brothers out there in all their glory. I've got to drop a package off to McGonagall, so I'll ask for assistance to prevent my not-so-naive eyes from seeing things best left unseen. - Ginny To: Hermione Granger From: Ron Weasley Re: Today's Game You're not going, right?

- Ron To: Ron Weasley From: Hermione Granger Re: Re: Today's Game Of COURSE I'm going. Aren't you? You can sit with Ginny and me. - Hermione To: Poppy Pomfrey / School Nurse From: Minerva McGonagall / Deputy Headmistress Re: Ronald Weasley In furtherance to our conversation, I agree that perhaps Ron Weasley is best left sedated until the game is over. His catatonic state of being this morning is not a good indicator that he can watch the game without a complete nervous breakdown.

Poor boy. - Minnie