Hi, my name is Chris Tucker (No relation to the world famous actor). You can just call me Chuck.
It was a December morning in the year of 1994. I think we all remember 1994. My mom walked into the room.
"Get off your goddamn tamigatchi you faggot!" she screamed while wearing only her robe. Her pussy was completely exposed, for no reason. This was my first boner. "And get your ass down here for some bacon and eggs!" she said nonchalantly. My mother was always rough with me, but I would never mind. My father usually beat me, so I prefered the screaming. But what my mother didnt know, is that my hand was slowly creeping onto my completely soft penis.
I never had masturbated before. I always thought it was the devil, but my friend Timmy said that it was the fucking beezneez. I figured it was about time to try. Being 14 was strange.
Everything you saw, you wanted to put your penis into. I looked into my dogs eyes, and immediately came.
This was my first time ever! It felt like shit.
I went downstairs and took one look at that bacon and immediately got a rock hard boner. "IT LOOKS LIKE A DICK!" I shouted out loud. I couldnt believe it. "Shut the fuck up and eat your goddamn dick bacon!" my dad shouted, quite hilariously. My dads name was John. John Webb. I hated him so much. I left the house without even touching my penis again, or the bacon for that matter. I hopped on the school bus and the moment I got on, the bus driver pantsed me and my soft penis fell right out.
Everyone saw my soft penis meat, but nobody laughed. Everyone just stared with glazed eyes. I realized they were all smoking marijuana cigarettes. Pants still down, I sat next to my best friend Tamera. She was a beautiful young girl, black as midnight, with eyes.
You know, the type of nigga you bring home to your momma. I told her about my dog and the bacon dicks.
She was enthralled. She told me a sweet new technique. She said you can stick your entire finger down your peehole. "No fucking way, Ive already tried!" I shouted. She stuck her whole finger down my peehole just to prove me wrong.
Then she stuck her other finger up my butthole and the two fingers touched. I screamed with pleasure, and then the bus driver killed herself by auto erotic asphyxiation. But luckily we were already at school. I hopped off the bus, looking like an eager mcbeaver cause I couldnt wait for PE. I loved PE for only one reason.
I love jogging. Anyways, I got to PE and started my jog around the track, completely forgetting that my still soft penis was just jiggling around. All of a sudden, a bird landed on it. It was fucking beautiful. She was a black raven with the darkest eyes Ive ever seen.
I ripped its head off ozzy style, and immediately started fucking the hole. I was becoming a man goddamnit, and this was a great start. After that experience, I screamed out,"FUCK THIS PLACE!" like a badass motherfucker.
I was wearing a white fedora and fucking rayban sunglasses. I was looking swag as fuck. This real hot bitch heard me and ran over, her overweight stomach bouncing around like fucking santa clause on LSD.
I immediately got my katana out and sliced the fuck out of that bitch, all samurai style. Out of nowhere, a helicopter came down through the ceiling and president Bill "Fucking" Clinton hopped out with saxaphone in hand.
He played the fuck out of that saxaphone for at least 3 hours before anybody gave a shit. I arrived at home to see the best thing I may have ever witnessed. My mom was eating my father, and luckily my cousin was over. I ripped his pants off and ate the shit out of that asshole, before showing him a certain technique Id learned from Tamera.
If only that fine ass young man was still around. Fucking polio got to him before my dick could. anyways, I called Tamera over. She transported that black ass to my front porch before you could even say FUCK BILL O'REILEY!
When she came over, we watched Full House for about three hours, all the while dreaming about cool ranch doritos. I'm not gonna lie, I got a hard on everytime I saw Bob Saget, and I dont think any man could disagree. I turned to Tamera and looked and those hard ass nipples. For some reason that I forget, they were completely exposed, and I began crying. She cried too.
Both her parents died. I slowly stuck my dick in that nostril. To my dismay, she sneezed and my dick got even harder. The snot really went up my urethra, and it got a tad bit narrow.
She wanted to blow me, but first I stuck my lips around her poop crusted asshole. She diarrhead right into my mouth, and I swallowed it like a man. It brought me more joy than anyone can ever imagine.
I cried again, but then again, I had never stopped crying. Then my father walked in. "What the fuck is a goddamn nigger doing in my fucking abode! Let me fuck my son, you asshole.
And if this is wrong, Jesus strike me down!" he shouted. He shot Tamera, then went to work on my young butt.
My mom walked in, laughing while she did so, and put the knife to my mouth. "Why so serious?" she asked. "Lets put a smile on that face!". for this part of the story, if you are under 18, please do not continue. I smacked my mother's bare butt so hard that she died immediately. Then I ran outside, to the great outdoors, and began living there.
My dog came to me. I came on him. That, my friends, is the day I beCAME a man.